Humor

Men come from March and Women from Venus (Part 1)

Living with a man is sometimes difficult. Okay, women too are sometimes complicated, but much less than you, gentlemen! Honeymoon can quickly turn into a nightmare if no one makes any effort. My last insomnia allowed me to rebuild the world with my older brother and I believe the text below will allow both sexes to survive this hell.

To make it easier to follow, I transcribed the dialogue with the answers of my older brother who just celebrated his fourth divorce in italics.

– The operation of the toilet seat is not very complicated to understand and this will prevent cats from falling into it.

– You’re tall. If we forgot to shut up, you can do it for us…

– Pfff… Valentine’s Day and birthdays aren’t just there to look pretty on the calendar.

– Most of the time, we don’t know what day we are and we’ll never know! It’s too material. Be nice to us, mark birthdays on calendars and make reminders in advance.

– We shouldn’t even remind you to give us a gift!

– Whatever gift we give you, you’ll never be happy, it won’t be the gift you want. That’s why I give her my card so that she can offer herself what she wants and not take my head…

– You’ll never change my dear big brother, it’s desperate. It’s like when we lived under the same roof and you asked me to do them for you.

– Sometimes we don’t think about you, have neurons busy with more important things. Make yourself a reason.

– Your little wife should occupy your mind seven days a week and 24 hours a day. Then don’t be surprised she fills her frustration on your CB.

– Shopping is not a sport, contrary to what you think ladies.

– Between the two of us, you’re the one who loves shops the most. So, your words are clichés, not every woman likes shopping.

– You’re a UFO, little sister, because in my wives it’s a real sport. Just look at the dressing room that overflows with clothes. And what about shoes! Do you really need the same pair in all colors of the rainbow?

– JOKER. I’m not a woman for that, when something suits me, I buy it in several copies to avoid redoing the shops, a sport that I hate.

– And then what’s this mania of asking us systematically if what you put on is okay with you. Whatever our answer is, it will turn into drama.

– We’re just trying to please you and not to embarrass you when you take us out. It’s so hard to lift your head for five seconds from your report or phone to look at your wife and say what you really think about her outfit.

– But, in fact, you ask a question to which you do not want an answer… so in that case, don’t ask it; otherwise you risk hearing an answer you don’t want to hear.

– False. But, quite often, after some time, we are part of the furniture, you do not even notice when changing haircuts or when gaining weight. We need to see the desire in our man’s gaze to feel good.

– In that case, ask the question clearly! It is necessary to be clear, subtle allusions do not work, supported allusions do not work, coarse allusions do not work. Ask what you want to ask us without going through obscure paths.

– We shouldn’t even have to ask you. It should be an automatism to compliment his wife on her beauty by telling her that you love her.

– What makes you think we’re able to say which pair of shoes, of the hundreds you have, would be fine with your dress?

– Well! You’re a real fashion engraving! Having a male opinion helps, you know if you’re going to like it. We like to charm our entourage.

– Tell us about your problems only if you want us to help you solve them. This is our case. Compassionate, this is your girlfriend’s business.

– We should be able to tell his man everything. I love that my teddy bear is both my best friend and my lover…

You’ll have the suite tomorrow.

xoxo 

La Puce

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